I wanted to be...

As many of you know, I run a book group here in my little neighborhood. This month we are reading the Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. It's supposed to be an enlightening book that will change the readers lives. I feel a little intimidated already. Kind of like when a salesman shows up on my doorstep. I'm already on the defense. The story is quite simple, so simple yet profound. I feel like I've got extract the hidden meaning, like in any good metaphor. I'm only a third of the way into it, but it has already brought up an interesting point. Here's what I find interesting.

What do you believe is your Personal Legend? What was your childhood dream and destined path that was snuffed out by the world and buried under everyone elses expectations of you? Deep, no?

I've been thinking about that this afternoon. My childhood dream was to work for Walt Disney as an annimator. I saw my dream before me once when we visited MGM studios when I was in high school. There was the most amazing work environment I could have imagined. Tons of tilted desks, with oodles and oodles of every kind of coloring thing-a-ma-jigs in every color imaginable. It was like heaven for me. To have a job, where I could sit and draw and color and live in fantasy land each day as I helped create something wonderful, full of magic, for children. Oh, it makes me want to cry!

My dreams did get snuffed out by reality. I soon began to believe that I wasn't creative enough. How was I going to have a career and be a Mom. That one was like turning a fire hydrant on my little campfire. Once I got to BYU, I realized my career dreams were going to have to be shelfed for a while, because at the time they didn't have an annimation program. I also felt dishearted when annimation took a dramatic turn to the digital world. I didn't like computers and digital annimation seemed to be the future. So my little dream isn't really a dream anymore I guess.

Sad I know. But I do know that the coals are still a little warm under there, because during our trip to Disneyland a few weeks ago, I was exposed to it again. We were meandering around California Adventure one evening and happened to wander into some place where they had their last drawing class for the day. We decided to go in and oh my word, I felt like my little twelve year old self again. We sat in this ampitheater where everyone was given a drawing board and a pencil and there on the stage was THE DESK! That desk that I had dreamed about for so many years! We sat and learned to draw Winnie the Pooh. I was coveting that guys job on stage. Bless my kids heart, I was totally ignoring them. Julianne was crying on my lap and they were fighting over pencils, but I just ignored them and went into a zone. I wanted that brief ten minute moment to myself. After we were done, I asked one of the guys if I could take my picture at the desk. No joke, I really did. But I was hosed again. He told me I wasn't allowed up there, and I really couldn't bother this poor chap with my sad story. I told Miguel that I could have camped out there all day long and done class after class and would have been happy as pie.

Don't get me wrong. I love my job as a mom. I love my children. However I am a person and I do, did, have dreams of my own. I already told Miguel that if something ever happened to him and I had to support this family, I'm moving to Orlando and working for Walt Disney.

So what is your buried dream? I'd like to know.